End of an era.

As of yesterday I am no longer a home educating Mum. J started college.

He did an extra year of IGCSE's because he wanted to start on a Level 2 course and he didn't have quite enough to do it, but this year he got the exams he needed and that allowed me to pass on his educational baton to the professionals.

Part of me is sad, but most of me is glad. Glad to see him spread his wings, move on and grow as a human being (in J's case I use that term very lightly). It is the right time for all of us. It does feel a bit strange, not to be planning his study every week or discussing course work with him in great detail every evening. It also feels good not be nagging him as well.

I am looking forward to supporting him, watching him and hope he flies high and free from now on.

A decade on (pretty much)

On 31/08/04 I wrote my first ever post on this blog, and as J just pointed out I spelt 'blog' wrong on the title. I still can't spell.

I was giving the whole blog experience some thought the other day, pondering on how I had changed over 10 years of blogging and also on how the family has changed too.

The family thing that came to mind first was J - he was 7 when I started, I was home educating him and he was small.

He's not so small now - he is taller than me and I think he is taller then M. (This was taken earlier this year and he had shaved for once!) His voice is very deep and his limbs long and lean but I am pleased to say he is still very daft.

I then thought about the pets. When I started this blog we had Lou-Lou the Dalmatian and Buster the black and white arsehole.....sorry I mean kitty. We also had a guinea pig and numerous tarantulas. The fur babies have passed on and we have different pets now. We have no small furries at all and only two tarantulas.

Of all of us I think M has changed the least. In the last 10 years he has learnt to play the bass guitar and is even more into his pottery. His beard is greyer but he is a constant, pretty much.

I have changed - my hair style and colour numerous times. My weight still goes up, down, up, up, down, up, up and down again. I always seem to end up in the same place, so think my body is telling me this is where it and I are happiest (that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it). In the 10 years of this blog I learnt to knit socks, I learnt to spin, I managed to get my degree, play the Ukulele (badly), I am less of a Luddite, I got J through his exams and ready for college and last year the biggest change of all I went back to work (really need to update my profile - lol).

We have had good times and bloody awful times. We have had some awesome adventures - going to Fair Isle comes to mind - we have been happy and have also felt times of total despair. We have been broke more than once and through it all we have stuck together and come out of it all - hopefully - stronger and wiser than before.

I am still undecided on the fate of this blog. For now I'll keep it up and just see how it goes and how I feel. Still 10 years isn't too shabby - is it?

Flash fiction.

'Sometimes'

Sometimes I hold my breath until my head starts to swim just to see if I can see fishes in the air.  And sometimes I spin around and around until my balance is gone and pretend I've just got off of the worlds fastest merry-go-round. Sometimes I smother myself in my  duvet from head to toe and lie still not breathing and wonder if I am dead. Sometimes I look in the mirror  and I don't see what others do. Sometimes I walk down the street and I know I am not there and my reflection in the windows is just an illusion. And sometimes I look for the person I was but I never find her. Sometimes I balance on the very tip of my toes, way up high and wonder if I will ever be brave enough to fall. And sometimes I wade out to sea, almost out of my depth, but I always stop and swim back to shore. Sometimes I wander through cemeteries and look for my grave. Sometimes I run down a hill really fast towards a busy road but I always stop in time. Sometimes I touch myself to make sure I am still here.


Sometimes, sometimes, sometimes I am no longer sure if I am just a figment of someone else's imagination.

Sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, I'm not sure I am real.

Summertime

I could moan about the heat (I dislike summer as is well documented) but why cover old ground? No, today I shall moan about nothing at all and try to make a positive summer time post, just to mix things up a bit.

In the summer I like..............................................................................nothing.

Storm Clouds

Taken from the window tonight. The storm rolled in across the sea.

Freedom.....?

Living in a free country, with freedom of speech? Why does it sometimes no longer feel like that? You can talk about a 'Nanny state' when decisions about our everyday lives are now taken away from us. You can talk about how what used to be seen a personal parenting choice are now being dictated to us by national and local Government. Everyday it appears that George Orwell was a prophet when he wrote '1984'.

All of the above seriously annoy me. I find a large percent of it ridiculous, that the adult population are seen as so useless we have to been given guidelines on how to live our lives, from what we put in our children's lunch boxes, to when we can have our children out of school for appointments or heaven forbid that demon 'the family holiday'. Obviously some people out there in the big wide world must be as thick as shit and unable to think for themselves, but when authority sets their plans in action they deal with lowest common denominator every time. So if 3% are stupid it appears that they set dumb rules for the other 97% as well, who are perfectly capable of deciding for themselves. Well 'Doh' I might as change my name to Homer right now.

But my personal gripe today is when I feel that I am unable to express a general opinion without it being questioned. It is an 'opinion', my 'opinion' and as long as it isn't hurtful, cruel, damaging or breaking any laws, then I am pretty certain I can express my personal 'opinion' wherever I like, in what language I choose without having to justify to anyone.

I truly believe that I have the right to say what I like in the confines of my own home, on my blog and in any conversation that I happen to be involved in (subject to the list above).  I am sure that the great and good haven't banned personal opinions yet? So I will continue to speak as I find, express myself as I see fit and generally use whatever terms, words or phrases I want to, until some over eager twat decides that we are no longer fit to speak for ourselves and restricts another personal freedom.

Oh and finally if you want to know if there is any hidden meaning in what I say -then no - I am normally pretty upfront and honest with people but feel free to ask - but if you question me too closely you might be told to go fuck yourself.

Finally

I have decluttered my bits of our bedroom and got a place for my favourite Anthony Trollope books (along with a couple of other authors) and my elephants. I love collecting this little old books, with their thin pages and small print. They fill me with the happy. They are a joy to read too.

I purchased 3 large storage boxes today and 90% of the bear collection and my Blythes have been stored away now in two of them. The other one helped me organise my over flowing yarn/fibre stash. It so needed doing.

Two posts in one day....I am spoiling you all (lol) with my waffling - but the declutter felt like such a relief.

Blonde again....well kind of

Hated the grey with dark bits - so now dark bits are a pearly honey blonde. Much happier with that. I didn't like the Badger look at all.

Time flies

Just realised that in a couple of months time this little blog will be 10 years old. Where did that go?
J was just 7 when I started, he's 17 later this month, he shaves, has a very deep voice and very hairy legs and is taller than me. Lou-Lou, Buster and Petley were still with us and Conkers, Lottie and Fergus have joined us - along with assorted rats, a rabbit, guinea pig and spiders - some here still, most gone.

The two main constants are my love of knitting, reading and crafts and my marriage to M. They have remained  unchanged.

I have gone through weight gains and losses. Had long hair, short hair and multitude of colours. Until now I am grey and nearer 50 then 40.

We have had family losses too and health scares - mainly all M. We have home educated throughout that time and now J is preparing to embark on a life at college.

And through all of the above. I have tried to blog - with the odd break.

The question now is; do I carry on or has this little blog filled its purpose? I'm not sure of the answer yet.

Work takes up more time right now and I have less time or inclination to knit etc - often just too damn tired. I am going to mull it over for now. Will continue to post until we reach the actual anniversary, may even do a give away. But is there anyone to give away to? Not even sure if anyone even reads blogs anymore?

So my last question - to help me mull it over......Is there anybody out there?

I love my view

I took this out of my lounge window this morning, before 9am. For the first time this week I was at home (working) but home. It has been a frantic week, busy at work, busy at home and gearing up for J's last IGCSE today -it went well, I am informed.

It was nice this morning to stand with my coffee and just look out of the window. Everyone was out, the dogs were asleep, and all I could hear was bird song and the wind rustling the leaves. It was one of those moments. I took a break from what I was doing and just stood. Lovely.

I never get bored with the view. It entertains me all year round as the seasons change. I love watching the ships on the horizon  line, the white sails of yachts closer to shore. I revel in the life cycle  of the trees that abound in local gardens and the lives of the birds that inhabit them. I watch  the horses on the downs loose their coloured coats as spring progresses and most of all I enjoy the vastness of the sky and its changing moods. I love the warmer blues of summer, the cold ones of winter, I even like the blankets of sea mist and fog. Our view is a daily blessing and one I never take for granted.

The Luddite is dying

I have finally given in and decided to fully embrace modern technology. I don't find adapting to new things easy. My poor little brain sees something new and different and launches into hedgehog mode, curling into a tight ball and hoping the scary stuff goes away!

But today, after just over a year of wrestling with Windows 8 and hating every second of it, I decided enough was enough. The swearing that was required just to complete a simple task, after what seemed  like a life time of waiting for anything to load/work, just got to me one time too many. I put on my big girl pants and went to visit those nice people in the Apple Store.

A very helpful bloke answered all my Luddite questions for example....."will this work with my hotmail account?" And other assorted idiot mutterings. He refrained from any signs of impatience at my total ignorance (even though I have occasionally used the Bosses Mac at work - I still knew nothing) and then he sold me a lovely, sleek, shiny new Macbook Air.....t'was love at first click.

He even helped me set it up, right there in the store and got me organised enough that I felt confident that I wouldn't need my L plates long.

Have spent a good part of the afternoon fiddling about and finding stuff. Still got a couple of creases that need ironing but I have to say, compared to the lumbering of Windows 8 and IE it is a dream.

I am impressed with the machine, I am impressed with the shop/staff and I am impressed that it even seems fairly Luddite proof. The only thing I am not impressed with is why did I wait so long?

How now brown cow?

I do like cow noses. In fact I like cows.

I also like gulls. Not sure if this is Squeak or Squawk. But this will be the 3rd year they have adopted me.

I like ducklings too and am also partial  to........

sheep and .........

windmills.