Time as we count it is a man made construct yet it exsists without watches and counters. As each day passes into night and the year turns and our hair goes grey - we are using and understanding time as it is built into the earths cycle.
I mark time by what is around me - J is growing tall, M's beard has more white, my memory stretches back further than it did and the older stuff is harder to recall.
Every year as we approach November - time heads towards a day with a sad significance -the days shorten and grow colder and then the fireworks start sporadically, slowly building up to November 5th. I can't help the way my thoughts go -with such measures on time as J growing up and us aging - and then crash bang of explosions in the air bringing it all to the focus. That we have grown and aged another year and it's another year gone since I lost my Dad. He never met either of his Grandsons and they are both closer to manhood than boyhood now.
Part of me likes the fact I can never let the anniversary of his passing slide by because of the crash, flash,bang wallop, part of me wishes that just for once, after 19 years, I could let it just be another day.....that maybe I wouldn't realise the date etc.
Don't get me wrong - I am not sad just wistful.