Saturday, June 24, 2006

Elastic bands, pricked balloons and depression.

I awoke this morning and realised all is not well. I feel like and overstretched elastic bank that is about to snap - bigtime. I have no idea why - there is nothing wrong. My grrrrr factor is on overload and I don't understand it at all.

I hurt my back after camping and have been in agony all week - I feel like I have all the energy of a deflated balloon.

I could place my face in my hands and weep.

And I don't know why.

It's been years since I suffered with this kind of depression. The last time was when my Dad died. Is not good.

I intend to spend this weekend quietly - chillin (huh chance would be a fine thing). J winds M up all weekend. It's like "Oh Dads home - I'll be a mouthy little arsehole for 2 days." M gets angry and they bicker. I feel for M - he works all week, he's stressed sometimes and J knows what buttons to press to get a reaction. I'm caught in the middle. I understand that J wants attention and M does give it - they just set sparks off each other. I sit there sometimes planning what to pack - as I swear one weekend I'll up sticks and spend two days in a B&B just for some peace. This may sound selfish but I need some me time.

They've gone trampolining now - so I have an hour alone (Ma is out too). So I'm off the utilise this quiet - very precious hour - when I don't have to do anything for anyone - and nobody needs me for anything. Very rare indeed.

Finally, J is 9 next week. Where has the time gone? Birthday post will follow in due course.

4 comments:

PURLPOWER said...

Hey dude, thinking of ya. Hx

gourdongirl said...

Peri So sorry to hear you are not 100%. Depression is a terrible thing as you know, but coupled with back pain and niggly child and parent does not help. Hope you enjoyed your "me" time, sounds like you needed it.

Hope you feel better soon.

yuvee said...

Hope you feel better soon dear.

Steph said...

Just letting you know I'm thinking of you. If you ever need anything, I'm here.