Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Wednesday Madhouse - winning and losing

Fanfare please...................the last madhouse post..............a day early this week as I have friends down to visit tomorrow and will be agreeably engaged elsewhere.

 I have body image issues. I have ever since I had my emergency c-section. My stomach muscles were damaged and they never recovered so I have a ring doughnut belly and my belly button is AWOL. I can't wear a bikini anymore. I am so self conscious about this.

I also battle with my weight. Pre J I was a size 12, post J I got to a comfy 14 using WW points. But I find dieting impossibly hard and I have an intense dislike for exercise. I also like food and live with someone who loves to cook and does it so well.

I loose the battle of bulge and then I hate my body even more. These days I fluctuate between a 16 and 18. To me my view of my body and trying to get where I'd be happy is a battle that I never win. Or it was......

I still have issues and still have bad days but they are getting less and less - what is my miracle cure? Have I slimmed down to a curvy 12 or 14? No. But I realised that I am happy. When I diet I am unhappy. I spend too much time worrying about putting weight back on rather than enjoying what I've achieved. I am fit. I am healthy and I am pretty much content most of the time. I have a family who love me and I no longer spend time worrying over what I can or should eat. And the amazing thing is, since I got my head round this simple way of looking at stuff, my weight has stayed the same. I lost some weight in the winter and it hasn't gone back on. I eat healthy 80% of the time. I take moderate exercise most days and I maintain a status quo that although isn't perfect I can live with. Perhaps that means that I am winning.

That's all folks. No more madhouse.

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