I realised yesterday, whilst sitting in the Brighton equivalent of a Mall, that it's not that I'm strange or different to everyone else it's just that I walk to a different rhythm to most people. The world plods on, happily blinkered by consumerism and materialism, whilst I am samba-ering to my own internal music. When did the majority of human society morph into sheep? Actually, that's an insult to sheep! People do so such much stuff because it is expected - my question is - by whom? No-one really judges us, the judgments people seem to worry about are in the mind.
I like to people watch in places like this - being agoraphobic - a trip to a Mall is a novelty - I normally avoid them like the plague - they give so little and want so much. But yesterday needs must etc - a trip to the Mall was needed. As I waited for M - I sat and watched the world go by. I am definitely not in tune - it stands out a mile and more - and that made me so happy. People scurry and hurry and spend on stuff they think they need. It's even worse cos it's near to the dreaded 'C' word. Gosh an eye opener indeedy.
I noticed another strange thing. I was watching this middle aged, obviously (by dress style) middle class, Mum stylie woman shop in a Xmas shop - she dashed in, pick up a berry wreath, looked at it, put it back and dashed out of the shop. I noticed her because she looked well groomed etc. It wasn't until later that I realised whilst I was assessing her that I still look at older people through teenage eyes (so to speak) and that I was probably the same age as her if not older - bizarre - I forget that I'm middle aged so often on the outside because on the inside I still feel so young. It was a very strange thought process and a bit disturbing - perhaps that's why I can feel intimidated in shops - I feel young and inexperienced inside so think that is what people see - hmmmm maybe. Other days I feel like Methuselah - ancient and on a good day all knowing ;0)
Anyway - I like lightbulb moments - these gave me cud for the next few days - I do so enjoy a good mull.
P.S - The trip was worth it because I got an amazing knitting book in Waterstones (I love book shops - they are the only reason I really ever go into to town, I can spend hours browsing and now they have squashy sofas - there is no reason to leave) this book has over 900 knitting and crochet stitch recipes - I am so inspired and excited I might have to break my yarn diet, face the world and go to Shoreham today - I need to experiment before all the designs and ideas in my brain fog out.